Feeling so much better after a night's rest and work. work - studies. looking forward to what my sister might have got me and what trans might be giving me later... haha... *excited*

My lovely day...

以前别人说过的事好像灵验了。我想的是我们的将来。 我们真的会有将来吗？ 是的我又在胡思乱想了。我也累了。说过的事也说了好多遍了。只是不明白为什么我看不到任何改变？他应该是真心的。 但为什么要发脾气？也许我做的不够多，不够好， 但为什么不好好的说给我听呢？

Was really happy today. Actually I still am. Happy that the girls made the effort to give me a small surprise after class. =) Appreciate it. somehow caught me cos I didn't expect it to be today. Seems like my sister planned to celebrate with me too. although can't really go out and fun with the usual group, the 69 group and the isomers like the past few years, but thoughts like this can make me happy. even if it didn't come true. not upset nor disppointed that I can't go out with them this year. understand that everyone has their things to busy with. so am I. perhaps we can accommodate better in time to come? haha... It definitely will. when fiona is back, when kaori and trans timing can allow to meet. haha... I want nothing but a getaway. I want my sleep back, my routine life. I have no time to think, but my mind just wanders off all the time. haha... I will find back my strength to control it. spent the whole 12 hours in school. haven done so for quite some time.

Anyway, I love the thoughtful yellow card that sylvia made me, with the wonderful messages that the girls wrote and drew for me. well, heard that trans made one for me too. looking forward to seeing it tomorrow, with special delivery too. hehe. Oh... this Friday marks the start of my Prelims... -_- I hope I can overcome everything that comes into my way, and just concentrate and stay focus... no time for any other things except to pass and do well. =) that is my goal this year... will upload the photo soon whenever I'm not lazy. haha...

haha... so happy that I finally bought myself something that I wanted long ago. well, with his help of course, on his knowledge and help on the sourcing. very happy!! so happy that for the first monday of this term, I was not over-stressed up nor was I upset! amazing. Am I a shopaholic? haha... one week as passed but I am still struggling and learning to familiarize myself with it.

Finally, bought myself an oven mitten today! haha very soon, I will buy myself the second mitten, then a cake mould, then I'll start learning to bake! haha... small family talk with my mum and sister. happy for her after hearing her plans. I will perhaps have to take charge of all the responsibilities in the house after she has a family on her own. sobz... no one to share with. Who can I talk to after a long and upsetting day when I'm home? such negative thoughts do upset me. the worst of all, how to be able to fall asleep without her beside me? so used to having her beside me, can smell her when she's in the room as I toss myself around. anyway, the smell I'm referring to is each individual's smell. wasn't implying anything so don't mistaken me...

well, on the bright side, I welcome a chemist into my family. someone who is also understanding towards my family's needs, someone who is helpful and never fails to offer help to our family. 爱屋既屋。 Did I get it correctly ? argghh... return all my chinese to my teachers already...

not gonna celebrate my birthday this year. all my friends seem pretty busy this year. its so hard to accomodate our schedules especially when my prelims start next friday.. Don't feel bad if u're reading this k? I'm perfectly fine with it. understand and no hard feelings k? although ck said and promised he will still meet me up that day and do something for me, I wouldn't be too hopeful about it. really dislike to feel the disppointment that I had last year. kept reminding myself that prelims is more important than any other things now. I just want to get my 2nd lower, well, actually my unrealistic target is 2nd upper though.

AArrghhh a little angry yesterday, but my emo pushed it down to the minimum. didn't flare up with the staff there. Wanted to get that DIY cake for him... cos I couldn't find him that figurine he wanted. no stock already. then there was this super long queue, with waiting list at that cake shop - the Icing Room at Jurong Point. arrgghhh... scary and expected. they told me to wait 2 hours. I was doing my revision there wasn't wasting my time and after 3 hours, went to check on my turn. they told me I wasn't in the confirmed waiting list!!! I left without waiting. don't think they are able to cope with that huge crowd, and was a little unsure about the standard of the cake too with that huge and long queue. oh well, they didn't really forget me too. called me 4 hours later to check if I still wanted to DIY the cake. oh my...feel that they have wasted my trvelling time there if I didn't meet up with XZ... luckily trans went to school, and there is still 30min to spare for lunch with me...

Happy Valentine's day!!

I am learning from Sylvia... she certainly knows when and how to give people the comfort that they need. She'll never fail to capture that moment when I'm sad, stress or happy. I didn't know how much it felt to have someone holding your hand when you are crying. I did just that but wondering if I gave the correct comfort that I once had. well, my hands are always icy cold in the air-conditioned place. I wished for that moment that they are warm.

Just digested that expected but shocking news. Expected it but shocked cos it was pretty soon, not within my expected time frame. Still have my reservations, and I was right. Just hoped that she will feel better as every second ticks away. I still feels that women always have that "right", and the respect that we ought to deserve.

Haiz... that same and ever blue monday has finally past! seems like a long day every monday. The level of stress is probably my limit now? How to make him known that his method may not be working? Or else, what is out purpose of attending? well, maybe I'm selfish in way. Perhaps I really don't deserve that, I feels that she does? she did the most on her own but she suffers the same fate as me. she seems to be able to take it well unlike me. maybe I am really too stubborn? But we had a good laugh in the computer lab while waiting to get our timetable done - that is, taking photos with J's macbook. haha... from roller coaster to enlightenment to underwater? haha.... oohh that wallpaper of hers look so sweet... even I felt that happiness that they shared after hearing their small little things that happen.

oh dear... so many things due on this monday... 2 tests, 15 consolidation questions, 33qns holiday package. How I wish I have another brain, and one more pair of hands. hhmmm... maybe 2 more brains? haha....

Sudden craving for dim sum again... oh my gosh... and twister fries? hehe... all the unhealthy food = time for exercise!!! Please... I wish I have 48 hours in a day. then I can have 10 hours of sleep everyday, 1 hour of exercise, and more time to study and do my homework!!!

I need to clear my mind perhaps? if not 10 hours of sleeping time isn't enough. Bad nightmares please go away for good.

I am so bad at this. don't know how to console people. so afraid that I would say the wrong things at the wrong time. haiz... I do feel the sadness, disappointment and the pain that people close go through. maybe i didn't go through them myself but, I know. when I needed to talk to people, when they say somthing, I would feel that they don't understand because they're not in my shoes, but now, I admit that I'm wrong. I'm being stubborn by not letting things go. I believe that things happen for a reason. I just hope that no matter what comes in my life, I can always handle them with a smile (ok I'm still trying to smile). I know I can have the support whenever I need. I want to show the people that care for me that I can do it right.