People who cared about me worried about me. Worried that I might have a broken heart to heal in future when I give too much. But what I believe and see now is that this man that I love is nice to me, does the sweetest things for me, always around to shower me with the care and concern, and that is why I can make sacrifices for him, love him. It doesn't matter how much I love him now. Cos if I keep having doubts even up till now, and keep keeping to myself, perhaps I might jeopardize our relationship? I do appreciate their care and concern, but if this is going to happen, I will accept it. I may not be the best person for him, but I will still do what I believe in him.

Call me silly, but love just makes people silly and blinded. Well, I am still a rational person though, know where our limits are. I hope they will see what I believe in one day. =)

Surprise Surprise!

hhmm done 2 last thursday, did 1 today. another 1 tomorrow. heehee. I'm excited thinking about it but something just upsets me, irrelevant though. ok shall focus my energy to give him a memorable birthday. Don't mind sharing my story here.

Surprised Sylvia on thursday with lots of presents! hehe. then drop by kaori's place with a mini celebration. hhmm why is she so smart? She guessed it. Argh must get ade to coach me on acting. -_- so happy and exciting that day. felt better after talking to them. well, we had a drink, small one though, and that made me high. haha i wasn't tipsy, it was just a few sips, and I got too high that i couldn't slp that night. oops. its either him feeling guilty, worried or upset, or maybe he's really awake after a short nap that kept him awake and waited to call me as usual. well, perhaps its not important anymore? resolved it for now. Yay! =)

found loads of excuses to convince him to allow me into his house, and. into his room. while he was away from his room, I quickly sneaked the gift and card underneath his pillow. was hoping to tell him at night after he walked me home. was under some pressure though, with his sister sitting just at the door of the room. haha so worried she might think or wonder what i'm doing sneaking around. haha just for that small little surprise for him, to "cure" all our past unhappiness. indeed, its a good occasion for us to start off again. =)

well, that idiot of mine is really a pig. haha but i love that pig cum idiot. he simply does practically everything in his room, on his bed. from eating to drinking, playing psp, packing his cupboard. -_-" he found that surprise within an hour. Argh cos he was trying to move his pillow to make himself comfortable. But HE WAS SURPRISED! and happy of course. =D and that makes me happy and contented.

Oh I've watched confessions of a shopaholic! NICE! funny, sad and yet sweet. he said i'm like the character in the movie, so blur and such a shopaholic. hhmmm... I doubt so. haha

1 more surprise for him later today! i'm excited and definitely looking forward to it. just keeping my fingers crossed, hoped that everything will go smoothly for him and he will not end his day in camp too late. *.*

I have already apologised. You said you're not angry anymore, but in fact there's more to it. You still mind and still angry despite I have explained I wasn't at the right state of mind when I said that. feeling very lousy now. Why on earth did i ever started on that topic again? I was still happily thinking and planning for your birthday. was doing window grocery shopping for the dishes that I plan to whip up for you.

why don't celebrate birthday? I cannot do it. It marks a day of your birth. I wouldn't have known you, without your birth. that is why I feel that it shouldn't be ignored. I planned so much earlier this time around, dried my brain juice to think and plan a surprise but u don't want it. I said I hated my birthday this year doesn't mean I don't wish for it to be ignored for the rest of the year.

why did we quarrel on my birthday this year? Everything around me just don't seem right after that big hit on me.

Unintentional Pat

Oops.. Accidentally hit Ade's wounded arm when I wanted to talk to her. hai maybe I'm too blur and 粗鲁. She reminded me already but i still forgot after 1 hr of class. It was unintentional. Well, in the end, we got a post-stick note and paste on her arm to remind myself. haha.

Jas was starving after class, so we went to get snacks from the vending machine. but no matter how many times we tried, we just cannot get that Apollo waffle sticks. -_-" so in the end, she tried to get the Cheezels. And luckily she's not as blur as me, she checked the date. It expired in FEB! expired for a month already and its still in the vending machine. We called the person in charge of that Orange Inc vending machine. He said "its impossible" hello, are the 4 of us blind? we're 22 already, and we can read dates! there's no way that we can do anything at the moment and we had to wait till tomorrow. arrgggh. I told him I was starving and needed snacks. he laughed! well, the girls laughed at me too. ck laughed too when i told him. is it really funny? I do mean what I said. there wasn't much snacks being sold in the canteen, and there's few choices in the vending machine. Ok I admit i'm quite picky with food sometimes.

Oh the lecturer today is really cute! totally my type. haha even ade can tell. he is a replica of ck. not in terms of looks. physically alike ok similar minus the head. haha he tells funny jokes in class, use unique examples for explanation in class. except that he beats too big around the bush.

relief

finally issues resolved, saw mr. pig on tv again... made me so happy! just hope things will remain as smooth-sailing for quite some time. tired from attending long day of lectures. my back starts aching again. ahhh... i've started working out again. but very slowly after taking a year long break. nothing beats having a sweet sunday despite being tired. small little things can make me happy. from yummy food, to seeing the kids or him after a long tiring day. binbin is less selfish now. she knows how to share. =) so cute!!! i'll still give in to her when she use that voice and look. haha kids.

didn't know ade is wounded. hit her arm but i really didn't do it on purpose. its painful to have part of ur flesh cut out and worse, to start thinking if u're really healthy and is there really anything wrong with ur body. so poor thing, have to attend long day of lessons despite suffering from the pain at such a busy time. I feel for her.

Binbin has become more 懂事 after going to school. Not only can she speak proper sentences, she knows how to feel guilty, knows when to apologise, knows she can't over-eat. She has lost weight after not seeing her for 3 weeks. Missed her a lot. She was so cute yesterday!! She accidentally pushed ruirui down when they were playing and it hit his head really hard on the floor. her past reaction would be doing nothing and stare at him or carry on doing her thing, but yesterday, my dad, ck and I witness her scared, worried, guilty expression on her. She tried to help ruirui up quickly and rub his head, while doing so, she kept apologising to ruirui. It was so CUTE & SWEET! Well, one thing about her that doesn't change, she still can't resist food! haha... especially her favourite french fries and meat... haha...

They are eating the Siew Mai I made. And they loved it!

went to yishun to wait for him on friday. I thought there is only 1 shuttle bus to yishun, but in fact there was plenty. -_-" was so lost, didn't know where to wait at, so scared that he'll miss me cos it was very crowded at yishhun. quite dumb of me too especially when it was my first time at yishun. I've no choice but to keep calling him but the reception was so poor that I can't reach him on his mobile until he has boarded the bus. but the cheesecake sticks have soften, the cream puff was a bit smashed when he ate it cos he did not carry them properly. but happy cos he said he was surprised!

happy that all was resolved before the end of my birthday. feel more at ease and happy after knowing its all solved. can finally feel happy on the last 2 hours of my birthday. felt quite lousy especially when I couldn't concentrate on my studies for 2 days. argghhh.. angry with myself. when i'm finally better, contracted my dad's gastric flu virus. sick immediately the day after my birthday. hah. that was how i spent my birthday. surprises from the girls, short-lived happiness, in tears every now and then for 3 days, 3 sleepless nights, then drowsiness. haha... had a "busy" week.