I am fuming...

Cannot stand people (especially guys) who are indecisive. Although I am one too. but when comes to simple things like attending gathering or sharing gifts, I am firm and decisive! 谁说女人是善变的？我认识很多男生都很善变！how can you not honour your words? I despise man who promised but do not fulfill their words. Arrgghh... This is my way of venting my frustrations. Stupid. you know its expensive and I'm rushing to get people and there you are playing the kind soul to agree (Oh please! I know everyone is too busy to get the present right, and I even offered to go get it! Didn't even ask u to go get it right?) and not telling me until I asked! Shame on you! Is that the responsility you learn for the past 20years? AARRGGHH... Why is it that its always the few who make the effort for such things? never occur in their minds before that others may be busy too? I didn't ask anyone to go get this thing done for me. I even wanted to go do it on my own until trans offered to help. why are there so such people? Some are really nice, even thank me for asking. some, just be honest said she's busy, so will just chip in. HELLO!!! I AM BUSY TOO!! TRANS IS BUSY TOO!! WHAT THE HELL! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? I am mad now. Too mad to do anything until my anger subside. 气死我了！

Happy to have watched movie and had a lovely dinner yesterday. A new japanese restaurant at Marina Square. Forgot the name but it took the space of Genki Sushi. hhmm I doubt I'll go back to the restaurant. So expensive! not much choices also. But the Udon I ordered for myself is nice I love the soup base. The curry ck ordered is okay. I still preferred the Chinese or Indian style Curry. The strong taste and its spicy! ohhh they have this promotion now, spend more than $30 will enjoy a free chawanmushi (I can't spell it! but its nice!) and 25% discount off your bill. The dessert is something new and special. We ordered a Yaik**** potato cream cake (I forgot the exact name) haha... its new taste okay, not exactly exceptionally nice... If it weren't for my cough, I would have ordered the chocolate dessert for chocolate lover like me! hehe... there's also one dessert for rum & raisin lover. well, I'm not exactly interested in that. oops... Magadascar 2 is funny! very cute. the Giraffe is so sweet! the way he confess his love for Gloria, the Hippo. haha... Light-hearted and entertaining movie to watch. ok... back to study... tests...

Oh My God!

Had FR test yesterday. Oh My God... Can't remember the things I have studied! realised how careless I was after the paper. Got the wrong dates in the Financial Statements. Arghh... the only computational question I can do! haiz... seems like I can't get away without him interviewing me. Started preparing since last week. He said its an easy paper. I'm not even an average student. lots of catching up to do I guess. So drained out after his test. -_-" couldn't quite catch the question he went through after the break until he went through the second similar question. Finally. I'm scared and worried. My de-stress "kit" is back!! finally... after 18 days... haha... so busy lately that I didn't get him a surprise that I plan to. Oops... rushing rushing rushing... just gonna get my studies back on track now so that I can enjoy my break in 2 weeks time. *keeping my fingers crossed* She was so happy for the little thing he did to her. I am happy for her too glad that he still do something for her to make her happy. Girls are easily humored... It all depends on whether the man is willing to do it or not.

I need to find back my motivation!!

The kids are exceptionally cute today!! BinBin can speak lots of complete sentences. She's so sweet today. fed my dad cream + cake. She told me she was waiting for my sister and I to return when I asked her why she didn't have her nap. haha... celebrated my dad's birthday according to the chinese lunar calendar. We won't be able to do so when his radiotherapy starts this wednesday. Doubt he will have the appetite to eat after which, let alone cake. Saw how much the kids love the cake, which explains why they are of such a size. My sister's boyfriend turn up too. He is the only one who can still carry BinBin. haha... unless ck is here too, then it'll be 2! Kinda moody these days and hopefully I can find my motivation back. I need it badly... I saw how compatible my sister and her boyfriend BK are. Opposites attracts! How envious. I wish for them to be as blissful for the rest of their lives... happy for my sister, happy for them!

had an impromptu meeting with the isomers yesterday. Lots of catching up, at my favourite you kee duck rice stall, then at ah chew dessert. sat there pretty long. did lots of catching up. but had gastric pain after that. had too much at one go already. oops. jsut looked through some of my friends' profile and photos at facebook. realised how much I have lost through my own isolation. that is what I probably did best so far. haha. yup. nothing but laughing at myself. "So what is the most important thing in my life now?" - my family, relationship, friends, studies. but seems likewise from the way I am handling. haha... is it too late now?

Is life really better at the other side? she seems pretty happy there. lots of pretty photos tells me she is living her life to the fullest now. me? walking backwards while everyone else is moving forward?

Sour Grapes?

Everyone seems to have this "sour grapes" in them. Feel that someone around you is better off? haha... I always do. Always envy the people around me. "Why is she able to do that?" "why is he so sweet?" "why people can do it but not me?" - conclusion: I'm a sour grape.

I always thought others are more fortunate. They are much better off than me. Do you feel that way too? I always do. Find excuses for myself to indulge myself. Always try to put up a strong front in front of people, but I am actually not ok. have not been able to be as moody lately. have been sick lately. no time to feel moody. Realised how dependent I am. I have lost my usual self. Thinking back, I am different now. wasn't the independent girl that I used to be. Is it a good change? well, not to me. have been so blur lately that I keep doing stupid things. like, tripping myself on my bag? go collect my new passport but didn't bring my current one? meeting friend but didn't tell her the location? Felt so stupid. was scolding myself on the way to meet trans. finally get to have a short meeting with them, but still, short of one. missed those days where the 6 of us got to have a meal together, endless chats with them. missed going to the k box sessions with isomers and the 69 group. haven meet up with many friends for a long time. TKRCY group too. the last meeting with the 69 group was in september. went to 爱琴海民歌餐厅. got their well wishes when I needed support too. Although I didn't specially contact them, I felt so much better when I got their wishes. yes. A simple "how are you?" makes me feel so much better. At least I felt that I wasn't alone or forgotten that period of time. Still working on it though. I am looking forward to the day where I can finally set everything aside and enjoy my meeting with them.

feel so uneasy, guilty for joining in the trip next month. So many things turn up last min. So many make up classes. Don't think I'll be able to cope if i missed the classes. I should really just stand up for myself the other time. so what if i wished for a family getaway? I won't be able to fully enjoy myself when my mind is still thinking about something else? haiz... its too late now. in addition to that, its not even a family thing now. I wish things weren't the same. For the first time, i regretted that things turn out this way.

my sister told me relationship will turn for the better after staying away from each other. Is it true? it is so for her, but not for all cases right? but i hope it will be for me. looking forward to his return. although I am always 口是心非, but i'd still be very happy if he bought me a small little gift. I seem to be a barrier between us now - my thinking too much seems to put him away? I hope he didn't feel that way.

I wish I am stronger, more independent, more decisive, more tolerant, more optimistic and more determined.

there has been good news and what i considered bad events that happen. I just hope for a good night of rest. not long, but just quality rest, ie without dreams. so afraid of dreaming something that I didn't think of for a year. i'm really scared. don't like that feeling. feel guilty too. seems like a betrayal even if i didn't think about it. it just happen that i suddenly dream of it. ok no more thoughts but just study. lots of work to do.

Parenting

How should parents teach their child? is there a standard way? people do teach differently. but how would u stop a child from crying? Scold further? Flash out your "weapon" - cane? or just hit? there is so much responsibility to having a child. I always thought it is important to do family planning. If u didn't then do u have the right to be angry with your child? be frustrated? a child gets even more annoying when he is sick, so parents should be more tolerant? i suppose so since they couldn't tell you directly & exactly how uncomforatble he is. but is there a need to lock him out to teach him a lesson? I've seen it many times. said many times too. that is not the right way! but i was always told not to interfere. fine... I've no right to do so too. but an elder has right? but was shoo away too. they just want to use their method. but its not working hello.... I hope they will understand. haiz... how prepared are 2 person who want to have children? I hope I will get the answer next time before I start my own family...

Stress

Just realised how loss I am for FR. haiz... can't do the assignment. was given 1 month ago, but only tried it 2 weeks ago. but kept pushing it back since I couldn't do. panicked today when I couldn't do. Although I started few days ago, but there isn't remarkable progress. halfway done only. there goes my beauty sleep tonight. Well, can only slap myself and say I deserve it. His notes have very little explanation on that but that is also the reason why he wanted us to do assignment on that. research. but I am not good at that. seeked the help from my classmates cum friends this early afternoon. Glad that they replied fast to help. So I am now back on my own. I was really stressed this morning. was so tired and busy lately that I have not been sleeping well. Actually haven't been sleeping well for about 3 weeks? can tell that my health has been deteriorating. noticed some changes. tried to rest as much as I can already but just couldn't sleep well at night.

Had a little fun this morning with the kids, but started work soon after brunch. ck didn't notice my message for him, didn't inform me when he was on his way. so I was late. got so frustrated when I couldn't do and the house was so noisy. hate that barney. that purple dinosaur is not even a little cute to me in my perception. it is totally opposite for BinBin. she watched that same disc 3 times. my gosh. so loud too. then my sisters were packing things for my mum, shouting around. then the kids were playing and fighting, with shouts and cries. It really hit my limit. that was what it sparked my tears. yup, my way of venting out my stress and frustrations. bad headache on every sunday.

rushed here and there with ck to get some final things done before his thailand trip. It would be less rushing if I wasn't late. so want to shoot myself for that. felt so guilty when his mum asked where we had disappear to the whole afternoon. had dinner at his place before heading to the airport with him. silly me he said. was teary on the way there. he is very sensitive today, probably because of the afternoon incident. he was able to sense it when i thought i could bluff my way through. it wasn't that long wait compared to his last brunei trip. bid him a short goodbye before I head home. it will be a long 3 weeks. I have lots of catching up do. plenty of things to do while he is away.

Aww... Delicious pasta made & delivered by my friend =) Yummy!

From IKEA... I think its called Diam Cake. they made from the chocolate into a cake. same chocolate taste! with additional sponge cake + walnut below. NICE!

My favourite chicken rice restaurant @ boon Keng. hehe... my favourite toufu... 10 stars!

someone is peeking at me...

ok we are playing piggies.... he poked damn hard...