Time waits for no one. indeed. have been trying to catch up on my revision but I guess i'm just too panicky. can't seem to stay focus and concentrate. feel guilty if i go swim, jog, or even step out doing something else. Feel guilty not having enough time for him, the girls and my family. but I will make it up to them after my exams. there are so many things that I want to do after my exams. Just hope that I will have enough time to do so.

I think I saw yanlin on the bus on my way home from school yesterday. but wasn't very sure and didn't dare to acknowledge, plus the fact that i have super low self esteem lately. stress symptoms?

He is tired. The second time in which I have seen him so angry. I start to question myself why. But all the negative thoughts just came to my mind. I will have to keep reminding myself that I should and I can control my emotions. On the bright side, I think I did succeed. She finally break the news to him. I start to feel for him. Feel guilty that he has to go through this. A pity that she is giving up someone so honest and well-tempered for someone she might hardly know of? But I do want her to be happy be it now or many years down the road. Just keeping my fingers crossed and hope that she did find the right one for her.

Thinking of something happier, I went to queue up for the free Ben & Jerry ice-cream cone today. Felt so satisfied after eating. Haven had ice-cream in a while (although I have cravings for it a few times already). I guess it isn't true afterall that chocolates can make someone happier. At least it doesn't work for me. But exercising does help. Arghh I wish I have the time to.

I have doubts on how much they know me just like that doubt they have on me.

Anyway, gave him a great surprise on monday. efforts have paid off. was busy the whole day. Preparing him his favourite, and cooked him the mee sua that I once told him that I will cook for him annually for as long as we are together. He appreciated my effort and enjoyed the food. that is what that makes me happy. Finally, all settled and can focus on my studies. no more distractions?

May be not. small things that make people angry, that made him throw things. I have lived with him for the whole of my life but I have never seen him this angry. my first and hope that it will be the last. angry that he shouted at me when I didn't make mistakes. No one knows why he is so angry. But I keep having the feeling it was because of me. I am not over-reacting nor over-sensitive. I have affirmed it already. Somethings ought to be left unsaid. It all depends on one word - Trust. What more can I say when they don't trust me? I will only keep quiet now. rebutting doesn't help and will only make things worse. I have learn it the hard way. I know that they are concerned but sometimes the way they show it will just make me feel like running away.

I just hope that there will be one day (hoping it to be soon) that they will see how nice and caring he is towards me like some of my friends do.