Sour Grapes?

Everyone seems to have this "sour grapes" in them. Feel that someone around you is better off? haha... I always do. Always envy the people around me. "Why is she able to do that?" "why is he so sweet?" "why people can do it but not me?" - conclusion: I'm a sour grape.

I always thought others are more fortunate. They are much better off than me. Do you feel that way too? I always do. Find excuses for myself to indulge myself. Always try to put up a strong front in front of people, but I am actually not ok. have not been able to be as moody lately. have been sick lately. no time to feel moody. Realised how dependent I am. I have lost my usual self. Thinking back, I am different now. wasn't the independent girl that I used to be. Is it a good change? well, not to me. have been so blur lately that I keep doing stupid things. like, tripping myself on my bag? go collect my new passport but didn't bring my current one? meeting friend but didn't tell her the location? Felt so stupid. was scolding myself on the way to meet trans. finally get to have a short meeting with them, but still, short of one. missed those days where the 6 of us got to have a meal together, endless chats with them. missed going to the k box sessions with isomers and the 69 group. haven meet up with many friends for a long time. TKRCY group too. the last meeting with the 69 group was in september. went to 爱琴海民歌餐厅. got their well wishes when I needed support too. Although I didn't specially contact them, I felt so much better when I got their wishes. yes. A simple "how are you?" makes me feel so much better. At least I felt that I wasn't alone or forgotten that period of time. Still working on it though. I am looking forward to the day where I can finally set everything aside and enjoy my meeting with them.

feel so uneasy, guilty for joining in the trip next month. So many things turn up last min. So many make up classes. Don't think I'll be able to cope if i missed the classes. I should really just stand up for myself the other time. so what if i wished for a family getaway? I won't be able to fully enjoy myself when my mind is still thinking about something else? haiz... its too late now. in addition to that, its not even a family thing now. I wish things weren't the same. For the first time, i regretted that things turn out this way.

my sister told me relationship will turn for the better after staying away from each other. Is it true? it is so for her, but not for all cases right? but i hope it will be for me. looking forward to his return. although I am always 口是心非, but i'd still be very happy if he bought me a small little gift. I seem to be a barrier between us now - my thinking too much seems to put him away? I hope he didn't feel that way.

I wish I am stronger, more independent, more decisive, more tolerant, more optimistic and more determined.